How the Stoic’s Dichotomy of Control Helped Me

Let's start by me sharing something personal.

Back in March 2024, my former boss told me I was going to be made redundant. To be honest, I could see it coming. The company struggled to get new clients and became desperate, so I wasn't surprised.

When I was told this news, I reminded myself of Epictetus's famous quote in that moment:

“Some things are within our control, and some are not. [Within[ our control are our opinions, motivations, desires, aversions, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our control are our bodies, our possessions, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.” – Epictetus, Enchiridion.

The lesson Epictetus teaches is that we must learn to distinguish between what we can control and what we can't. Or as William Irvine put it, we must familiarise ourselves with the dichotomy of control.

What is the Dichotomy of Control?

As humans, we're naturally wired to achieve results.

We want that promotion at work, to hit a sales target, or to try to get the attention of someone we find attractive. That's why we often tie our actions to the end result.

For example, if we go to the gym, we do it to get the body we want. We play tennis to beat our opponent. And we work hard to earn more money.

The truth is, we don't have total control over the outcome. And when we don't achieve the result we want, it often leads to a great deal of frustration.

To avoid this feeling, the Stoics believed you need to consciously distinguish between what you can control and what you can't.

If you can't control the outcome of a tennis match, you can control your attitude and ability to try your best. That way, if you lose, you know full well that you gave it your all.

Essentially, the dichotomy of control teaches us to be more process-oriented rather than goal-oriented.

How the Dichotomy of Control Helped Me?

Coming back to the moment when I heard my job was at risk, I had a choice about how I would react. I could show my boss that I was upset, or I could empathise with him because I understood the reason for the redundancy.

I chose the latter.

Admittedly, my boss was quite surprised by my reaction. Letting someone know they're being let go is not a pleasant situation. But I believe moment or situation is an opportunity to make a choice.

I do have a family to look after. But getting worried about my finances would have undoubtedly spilled over to my work. I still had a job to do, and there was still work needed to be done. I was only being made redundant because the business couldn't secure new clients - something I had no control over.

I knew I had the confidence in finding a new job. It wasn't a case of if, but when.

I was out of work for 2 months. I had over 10 interviews, all of which were unsuccessful. So I took up a temporary admin job, which was relatively easy to secure. After 3 weeks into that job, I got an offer at a well-known finance company who wanted to give my a very good salary.

Know What’s In Your Control

There are many things you can't control. You can't control the weather, nor can you control how people think or the things that happen to you such as your car breaking down getting sick despite looking after your health.

You also don't have full control over how you feel, including your emotional responses. But you do have complete control over your own behaviour and attitude.

This is where Eastern philosophy, particularly meditation, comes in. It teaches us to be mindful of unwanted thoughts and emotions so that we don't succumb to them.

We shouldn't suppress our emotions either. Instead, we need to find healthy ways of expressing them, such as talking to a spouse, partner, parent, sibling, or friend. You can also use activities like art and journaling as an outlet for expressing your emotions.

Personally, I find writing down whatever's been bothering me from time to time helps.

We Have Control Over Our Actions, Not The Result

The dichotomy of control teaches us that we should put more focus on our actions (or our duty), and let go of the outcome.

This is something that was echo by Lord Krishna to Prince Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita:

"Having done your duty to the best of your ability, abandon yourself to the results, without attachment to success or failure; that is equanimity." - Lord Krishna, Chapter 18, Verse 66 in Bhagavad Gita.

When focus on action, rather than the result, we have that reassurances that we are indeed doing our best - which is the least that we can do.