Learn to embrace your fate
Some things are destined to happen to us. No matter how much we fight it and try to carve out another path, fate has a way of bringing us back to what we were meant to face in our lifetime.
We try to control our fate, but we can’t. There are so many aspects of our lives we don't know.
We don’t know when we’ll meet the love of our life. People will say to be proactive when you date, and to "learn the game." But ultimately, when you find the one, it’ll happen when you least expect it. Trust me, I know this.
We also don’t know when our loved ones will die. We don’t know when our children will be conceived when we start planning for a baby. We don’t know if our job is secure, or if our business will sustain its success in the long run.
Our failures, breakups, heartbreaks, and the testing times we endure—they happen when they’re supposed to happen. I argue that it’s predetermined. And that’s okay.
Whatever happens to us, happens for a reason. And to help us embrace our fate, I am going to share two concepts the ancients have shared. The first is karma, and the second is Amor Fati.
What is karma?
In a nutshell, karma is recognising that every action has consequences, and what goes around comes around. It’s a key concept in Dharmic philosophy, especially in Hinduism and Buddhism.
The life we’re living right now is a result of our karma from our previous lives. Reincarnation is an important belief in both Hinduism and Buddhism. And whatever we’ve done in our past lives will have positive or negative repercussions in our current lives.
For instance, if you’ve insulted someone or caused anyone any kind of harm, you may not receive any misfortune in your current life to repay for your bad deeds, but you may get it in the next life.
But this is a surface-level overview of how karma works. We have to dig a little deeper.
Why karma is a little more complicated
In the great Hindu epic, the Mahabharata, Yudhishthira, and his four brothers, known as the Pandavas, were sent into exile after losing a game of dice against his jealous and villainous cousins, the Kauravas (led by Duryodhana).
Yudhishthira, who was distraught, acknowledged that it was his own fault for ending up in exile. But one thing was bothering him. Why was it that his cousins, who were evil in nature, got to enjoy a luxurious life? And why not the Pandavas? After all, they were morally good.
In seeking an answer to his woes, Yudhishthira turned to Lomasa, a wise sage who accompanied them into exile.
The following is an excerpt from Ramesh Menon’s abridged translation of the great epic:
A little saddened, Yudhishthira turned to Lomasa and said, “Muni (Sage), why do I suffer like this? I have always walked the way of dharma, even at some cost to myself. My enemies, Duryodhana and his brothers, care nothing for truth. They will do anything to gratify themselves, with no thought for what is right or wrong. Yet, they live in comfort in a palace, and here I am in the jungle with my unhappy family. I cannot understand this. Why does a man who treads the path of dharma suffer, while those that are steeped in evil come to no harm?”
The muni replied, “It is the timeless question that many a good man before you has asked in the wilderness, and countless more will ask it, in despair, along the deep trails of time. The answer is simple: the evil ones do not prosper, but only appear to, and that, very briefly.
No man prospers by sin. His own conscience gives him no rest, and his crime consumes him from within. Someday, those he has sinned against will recover from the harm he did to them. But the sinner’s guilt remains with him, tormenting him until the hour of retribution arrives. There is no escape for the demonic man. Justice overtakes him, inexorably, despite all his efforts to keep it away; then, he is destroyed.
But remember, Yudhishthira, life is not simple, nor is it as short as we think. All this began long ago. You have lived many lives before this one, so have your brothers and all of us. What you suffer today might well be punishment for some forgotten crime of your own. Of course, that does not justify what has been done to you, but it might explain it.”
What I draw from this passage is that whatever is happening to you in this life has a reason behind it. And it goes beyond what we can actually control.
Our life is a river. It’s best that we flow with it, rather than fight against it. Life will go much smoother, and we’ll be better prepared for whatever comes our way.
Amor fati - Love your fate
While the Stoics didn’t believe in karma, they believed in a concept called the Logos.
The Logos relates to the cosmic order where everything is predetermined. And with this in mind, the Stoics also believed that you have to accept your fate to lead a fulfilling life.
If you follow your fate willingly, you essentially accept your destiny, and this will allow you to work towards achieving your goals without resistance. But, if you resist your fate, you’ll be dragged by it. This will only bring you more suffering, and you’ll be forced to go through the consequences of your resistance.
Zeno of Citium compares this to the analogy of a dog tied to a cart:
“When a dog is tied to a cart, if it wants to follow, it is pulled and follows, making its spontaneous act coincide with necessity. But if the dog does not follow, it will be compelled in any case. So it is with men too: even if they don’t want to, they will be compelled to follow what is destined.”
Accepting your fate does not mean you lead a passive life. What it means is you’ve made a proactive choice to embrace what comes in your life, and you work with it.
When we accept our fate, we free ourselves from trying to control what’s beyond our control. It’s these things that give us unnecessary stress and anxiety.
Accepting my fate has set me free
Growing up, I thought the world was my oyster. I had my life all planned out. I thought I would get a girlfriend at university and get a well-paid career.
And well, the opposite happened. Nothing went to plan. I struggled to get a girlfriend, and I graduated when the 2008 financial crash happened—so getting a job was super hard.
At that time, I felt depressed. And I didn’t know what to do. Luckily, as if it were fate, I stumbled across William Irvine’s A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy. It introduced me to the dichotomy of control. My mother also encouraged me to read the Bhagavad Gita, where I gained a better understanding of karma.
It took me a while, but I realised everything in my life was happening for reasons that could well be beyond my understanding and control.
And that’s when I decided to embrace my fate. I accepted whatever had happened in my life. I made peace with my regrets and mistakes from my past. I was able to deal with the loss of my dad and relationships that were never meant to be.
Accepting is a hard step to take. You’ll feel vulnerable. But once you’ve made it through the murkiness, you’ll feel liberated.