Understanding the backwards law: Why embracing the negative is a positive
You’re here because you’re curious about the law of reversed effort, or the backwards law.
But before we get into this law, let me share with you a true story which took place around the 6th century BCE.
The story of a overly protected king and his son
Around 563 BCE, in Lumbini, Ancient India, which is now part of modern day Nepal, a happy (and presumably relieved) King announced the birth of his son. This was his first son and heir to throne.
Naturally, the King wanted what was best for his son, and was keen to know what his child’s fate had in store. So he’d seek advice from a wise sage, presumably a learned Vedic astrologer, to see what the prince’s future looked like.
The sage said to the King that his son would either be a great king or a holy man.
Obviously, the king wanted his son to be King. So he did what he thought was best for his son. He shielded him away from suffering and religious teachings. Plus, he was forbidden from leaving the palace grounds.
For 29 years, the prince lived a luxurious life. He only knew of the niceties of life. He also got married and had son too.
Then one day, as if his destiny was calling him, the prince began to feel a curious urge to see what was outside the palace grounds.
He knew too well that his father had forbade him from venturing out of the palace. But despite this inner conflict, he followed his intuition and ordered his charioteer to take him outside.
On leaving the palace grounds, the prince saw three inevitable occurrences of life: old age, sickness and death.
He saw a frail old man struggling to walk, a corpse being stretchered off and a very sick man who had a terrible cough.
Seeing these inevitabilities of life was a shock to the prince. But then, he saw a man wearing a simple robe and was at peace with himself.
On seeing this man, the prince decided to find the answer to the problem of suffering. The prince made a heart wrenching decision to leave his wife and his own son and then he sought refuge with the sages to seek answers.
He struggled for six years, but he was unable to find an answer. Then, he decided to meditate under a fig tree until he got answer. Days, weeks and months went by, and eventually, by just surrendering his will, he found the answer.
He discovered that pain is inevitable, but suffering from pain is optional.
This prince was called Siddhartha, who was the son of King Suddhodana and Queen Maya. But to many of us around the world, he’s known as Gautham Buddha.
Accepting a negative is a positive
The story of the Buddha has always intrigued me, especially the part about the Buddha’s father trying desperately to prevent his child from becoming a holy man.
Despite his efforts (and intentions), the king got the opposite of what he wanted. But little did the King know, all great men and women need to be accustomed with pain and suffering to develop empathy and good character, a key trait for becoming a strong leader.
On one hand, we should thank the Buddha’s father’s for being overly protective. After all, his parenting style led to Siddhartha to become the enlightened one who actively shared his school of philosophy throughout his lifetime.
However, at the same time, I couldn’t help but to think that the King was a victim to the Backwards Law. , which as author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson, defined as:
What is the backwards law?
The backwards law, or the law of reversed effort, is the result of the opposite happening of what you want.
Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, defined the the Backwards Law as:
“The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.”
For example, if you have a deep desire to be rich, you'll work long hours to get the money, but at the end, you still feel poor, regardless of how much money you have in your bank account.
Or if you want to have loads of friends, you try impress as many people as you can but all your “friends” are superficial and you end up feeling lonely.
Another example is in the quest for love. When you want someone to be your girlfriend or boyfriend, your actions end up pushing them away.
No doubt, we’ve experienced this in our lives. I know I have. I’ll always remember my time when I really struggled to find a decent woman. After going through countless rejections and heartbreaks, I surrendered to the fact that I may not find someone and that’s okay. Ironically, after accepting my situation, I ended up finding the love of my life.
As Alan Watts wrote, in his book The Wisdom of Insecurity:
“When you try to stay on the surface, you sink; but when you try to sink you float.”
Is backwards law saying we should forget about what we want?
Not exactly.
Yes, we need to loosen our grip on our desires, and there's a lot of research about the psychological concept of letting go that backs this up. One study by Bhambi and Castral (2016) highlighted how nonattachment alleviated subjects from psychological distress - in other words we need to chill.
But more importantly, to make the backwards law work for us, we need to change our relationship with our goals.
Rather than being driven by our goals, we should enjoy the journey. We should enjoy the process. Nothing in life comes to us easily, so we might as well embrace the discomfort that comes with getting what we want.
If we want good health and fitness, then we must be disciplined. I personally wake up at 5am to go for a run 5 times a week. I don’t like to wake up early, but part of me is aware that early mornings is the best time to go as I’ll get to spend time with my family in the evening after work.
Another aspect where the backward law will work in our favour is how we deal with problems. Rather than complain about whatever challenges, problems or obstacles we have, we should embrace it - as that will lead to growth.
The backwards law makes us go full circle
The Buddha searched for answers to ending suffering for six years, and he failed to find a solution countless number of times. It was only by letting go and surrendering, he found the answer.
But more importantly, the backwards law teaches us to let go of our goals and embrace the journey.